She Wore an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie

Oh thank the universe for the local pool! Seriously have ever suffered…I mean um, lived through a Virginia summer? Yeah if not, keep your thoughts to yourself. It’s hot, it’s muggy, and I have officially separated from my love affair with gardening. Seriously, good luck and brightest blessings. I would really like my vegetables, but there is no way in hell that I am gardening with two kids at 7:00 in the morning when it’s already 80 degrees. That’s right I said 80 degrees people! So where was I? Oh, yes the pool.

So picture it: A mother and her daughter 10 aka,The Mouth and her son 5, aka The Superhero. We are suited, we are sun screened. Hell, I even have remembered water toys. We walk into the pool area find a primo spot by the shallow side so that The Superhero can play under the water fall mushroom. This has the makings of a perfect swimming afternoon. Um… no…..

All of a sudden, I start noticing this astonishing trend. Women of all shapes and sizes are sporting bikinis. The hell? I will admittedly confess that the feminist part of me was like “you go girl! Who cares about the rolls? The cellulite? Show it off it’s yours!” I mean really, things are so hypocritical on the man vs. woman home front. My neighbor Potsy the Beer Drinker can go out with no shirt letting his beer belly and ass crack hang out with no second thoughts. Up until 10 years ago, women were still hiding their bodies and almost encouraged at all costs to be unhealthy. Yet here before me women are sporting more than a post baby belly and aren’t afraid to let it show. Woo Hoo! Equality may not always be pretty, but hell are true fights ever?

Then the mom side kicks in and I know deep down somewhere that someone is going to ask an uncomfortable question or make a really embarrassing comment. Thankfully the dubious duo were off playing and didn’t seem to notice. This gave me time to mull this over for a bit. Were women really making moves forward or were they succumbing to this everyone must where a bikini thing that the media wants us to believe? Or is the One piece passe? The my brain kicks in, Dude I am so passe! I’m not even thirty and the cool train has passed me by. Alas…..another reason to eat chocolate before bed. (Insert dramatic faint.)

Whatever the reason, I just wish that women would ask themselves one question before they walk out the door: Does it fit? Because somewhere, someone is going to have some ‘splaining to do with their kids. In the end, I will say that it led to a rather spirited discussion on cellulite with The Mouth later on that evening.